Rolling Up a Pub

Taberna Celeris's cover image
(via Old Book Illustrations)

I'm doing the final proofing read-through of my new trifold Taberna Celeris. It's a collection of random tables to name and detail a Bar, Inn, Tavern, or Publick House (Pub). I'm viewing this as the second entry in a Random Table Trifold Triptych of Zines (yeah, it's a mouthful), starting with Tabula Mortis, (available in my itch shop) and ending with a third thing that hasn't even been named yet.

So let's grab some dice and roll up a drinking establishment with the latest draft of Taberna Celeris.

(As a quick aside, Taberna Celeris literally means "Quick Tavern", but it also translates as "Fast Food Restaurant". I love that, and I'll take it.)

What's It Named? The Silent Rudder Pub. A black rudder hangs over the door with a dark grey cloth tied around it like an bandit's face mask.

What's It's Vibe? Gaudy and tired. It catered to thieves and pirates when it started years ago, but that was before the owner went straight. Now it's a shabby, declining pirate-themed pub that needs a deep cleaning. The Rudder tries way too hard to be edgy, with weapons and pirate flags all over the walls, but the patrons and staff stopped caring years ago, and it shows.

Who Runs This Place? Nico Novak, an aging ex-pirate missing a leg. He's got a glass eye instead of an eye patch now, and his real eye always looks more dull and tired than the glass one. He's superficially chatty, but he steers conversations away from any stories about himself.

What Are They Known For? The Rudder offers a selection of house-made rotgut and a few snacks. The most filling thing on the menu is the Fish Bun, a palm-sized crusty bun hollowed out with a scoop of cream-based fish chowder inside, served in a chipped earthenware bowl. It's not very tasty, other than salty, but the chowder softens the bread crust as it soaks in. Prices have gone up over the years, but it's still cheap enough that most beggars in town come here to eat and drink when they score a silver coin.

Are There Any Other Patrons Here? As the party arrives, a disheveled young woman sits at a small table eating her Fish Bun and washing it down with water. She seems down on her luck, and she shyly watches the party wide-eyed, as if she's never seen adventurers before. An old man stinking of fish sits at the bar and starts chatting to the party about the day's catch. He could use some help recovering his favorite silver flask, washed overboard today as he wrangled his nets into the dinghy. He's got some coin to pay, and he can bring the party in his boat to the spot he lost it.

Any Quirks? Nico trades drinks for damaged and bent knives, which he sticks into a bristling wall next to the knife throwing targets. He likes the knife even better if it's got a good story about how it broke.

Any Special Offerings? The Rudder has 2 wooden targets for knife throwing "out in the boathouse". It's down a few rickety steps from the bar and seating area, toward the water. It was a narrow boathouse and dock, now completely enclosed with enough room for a small crowd to watch the occasional knife throwing competition between regulars. Even Nico isn't above tossing the knives occasionally, but rarely since he's such a crack shot. The alley to the targets is lined on both sides with battered and twisted knives stuck into the walls, trophies from patrons, each with its own story.

What's The House Special? Nico charges a gold for "The Tempest Shipwreck", a half gallon stoneware crock filled with a shot of everything in the house, and some of that cream-based fish chowder on top for good measure. It smells of seaweed, turpentine, and rot, and just looking at it turns most stomachs. If you chug it in under 2 minutes and don't immediately toss it back up, you get your name carved into the wall (the 5th). If it comes back on you, you owe Nico another gold for cleaning.

DONE!

That took me about a half hour of rolling and interpreting results. So yeah, I think the system works just fine, and I found another typo as I was going through it. So that's a win-win!

So these are the sort of ideas and detail you can expect from Taberna Celeris. I'm especially happy with the variety of names I can roll up on a silly 2-column d12 table. I'm putting the finishing touches on the PDF now, and I'm giving myself time over the weekend to work on the listings and thumbnails images. If all goes well, I'll have this thing up for sale on Tuesday, 21 July 2026.

Which is good, because I have my Appendix N Jam entry to crank out next week. Whee!