So August Happened

An eruption feels close.

Once again, I feel daunted by an empty page. I've got some good things rolling, but August drained me of energy and focus. I feel like I've been spending so much time just maintaining and not moving forward. (This post gets more positive. We just need to wallow a little first.)

I know I get the same 168 hours per week that everyone gets. I try to remain positive and hopeful, but after almost 17 months of sending CVs out, it feels like I've run out of places to turn. Planning this week's meals takes time, and trying to get a straight story out of my mother gives me hives. Talking my emotions out of today's tree feels like a full-time job.

I'm stressed. I'm depressed. I realize this, and I'm dealing with it. My doctor is like, "Do you want any drugs to help with that?" I'm holding off on that particular path for now. I'd rather madly write instead. So here I am. I'll be OK, I just need some time to normalize.

This one's my workbench.
But I can make more just for you.

I've spent the summer flailing around trying to find a combination of things that will pay the bills: selling games, editing gigs, building storage solutions out of 2x4s, selling merch somewhere, becoming a professional GM, consulting, or whatever. I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, in some cases because I have marketing anxiety where asking people to pay me for services rendered feels somehow like failure, and in others because the ramp from idea to getting paid for the output of my labor is longer and more complex than I need it to be. Welcome to my brainspace.

Creating silly little game things seems like a distraction at the minute, and I didn't get a chance to finish Revelatio Civilis in August as planned. I ran out of month before I ran out of Big Things That Should Happen Right Now. Something something spilled milk; I'm moving on.

It's not all doom and gloom, it just feels that way. On the very positive side, over the past 12 days I've gone from submitting a CV, through a screening call and two interviews, and now I'm told there's an offer letter on the way. Navigating a new job will take some time and restrict some flexibility with my time in a few weeks, but I think that's a fair trade for paying the bills in a reliable manner.

I've got a meeting on Friday at my FLGS to talk over retail sales and move forward from there. I'm hopeful they want a few more copies and titles to sell, but we'll see. Reaching out to and going to visit other shops in the area is still on my list; I just need to get over myself and schedule some time to do it.

I have a couple of products in the pipeline for September (hopefully). I managed to list my three trifolds over on DriveThru RPG, and that brought in over 200 downloads for a total of about $7 in earnings. Thanks to the 4 people who actually paid something for the downloads. I'm still planning on moving away from Pay What You Will for most of my titles sometime this month, but that may slip into October. It'll be interesting to see how that impacts interest, downloads, and sales.

I tripped across the Minimalist TTRPG Jam 5, running now through November 1st. I've got a few ideas kicking around, and I'm sure I'll be able to expand whatever I come up with into some system as part of MoteWright. So yeah, I'll probably sign up and get something going with that.

I should probably write more about creating MoteWright. I also have a series of articles in the percolator talking about the multiple Writer's Brains You Need To Make A TTRPG, an article idea I pitched to Playtest Material for their first issue. They passed on it, so I figured I'd develop it here in the Ol' Den of Iniquity.

Yes, I'm rambling. It's been a while since I've done much more than roll up a Traveller character and I need to let some steam off.

And yes, I'm bolding random things in the text so you can skim faster. Please clap.

OK, enough. TL;DR: I'm hanging in there. Things look better just over the horizon. I'm not going anywhere, I'm just currently mired in my own brain's insecurities. I'll carry on. And I'll get back to focusing on game topics in here soon.

More as it happens. Thank you for reading!