2019-03-06

Timing Isn't Everything...

Preliminary layout and art.
...but it is most things.

Bolthaven Folio Update
Suffice to say that the Bolthaven Folio Kickstarter will not happen in February. I had enough to go live with, but I'm waiting for Kickstarter to approve me before they can review the project. Part of me is bitterly disappointed. Part of me knows better.

With the delay I take get a better crack at a header. I can continue layout tweaking and figure out how to format the tables that I want to include in the interior pages. I have time to edit the text and get the second draft out to pre-readers for feedback. My daughter can finish the cat samurai artwork - she just has to tweak the katana and do some finish work on the piece.

I'm excited at the prospect of getting something out the door, and I'm thrilled at having another dozen issues worth of ideas. Let's get this one done and shipped, then I can poll the backers and figure out which few ideas to develop next.

Since I started playing D&D in 1981, I've been hesitant to actually publish anything. I felt like it wasn't my place - I considered myself a consumer and not a provider. I'm a hack, and hacks belong at the table and not in the marketplace, or so says my internal Voice of Doubt. I don't know why I never submitted anything to Dragon, why I never got my campaign notes together and put them into an actual adventure module, why I never considered myself good enough to publish. Sure, impostor syndrome is part of it, and maybe the fear of hearing feedback on something I've spent time and effort developing. I mean, what if people hate it?

Potential and Perfection
I think the main part of the issue is my glorification of potential. If I never write an idea down, it remains vague but perfect in my head until it evaporates back into the creative ether. I know how I want it to exist, but sometimes the creation process runs into logistical roadblocks which demand compromise. My imagined perfection is no longer perfect, and my instinct tells me to walk away from the project in disappointment. I realize this is not productive behavior. I'm still working on it.

I buy empty notebooks because they are vessels of potential. I have a hard time filling them because reality is messy. I tell myself, "This notebook is for this project", then realize the project won't go anywhere after a page or two of notes. And the self-blame descends, with its demon voices, bereft of kindness, trying to roast my self-esteem with burning words and flaming tongues.
"Perfectionism may look good in his shiny shoes, but he's a little bit of an asshole, and no one invites him to their pool parties."
                                                     - Ze Frank, from "An Invocation for Beginnings"
So let's get this thing out the door. I'm still working on the project in Kickstarter. The header graphic may give me fits, but I'll get it done. I still need to submit the project for approval after I get approved, but that's just a matter of waiting out the process.

I don't have a launch date yet, but I'm hoping for sometime later in March. I'll let you know as it approaches.

It'll probably suck. But it'll suck gloriously.

Next up: I want to write something about what the Bolthaven Folios project is and some of my design ideas on Folio #1 which I hope to carry through to future issues. Hopefully I can bang that post out this week and give you more of a sneak peek of Folio #1.

Thank you for reading, and stay tuned.

(Written Saturday, 02 March 2019)

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